Wednesday, December 3, 2014

The Importance of Having a Plan B (and C and D, etc.)

 
You will find out very quickly that you must learn to be understanding when things don't go according to plan and also to be more flexible when it comes to social plans.

One of the biggest adjustments I learned to make quickly as a result of dating someone with fibro is to be more flexible in any plans we make. Unfortunately, the sheer unpredictability of fibro doesn't lend itself to making and keeping plans easily. Please know that your fibro fighter has the best of intentions to honor any plans you have made, but it is inevitable that they will have to cancel or reschedule on you - often many times.

You have to learn not to take this personally - there is often much more going on than you are aware of when your fibro fighter makes this decision. They are just as disappointed as you, if not more so. Keep in mind that your fibro fighter has to constantly weigh any activity-based decisions carefully, no matter how big or small, and determine whether they have the energy to do any particular activity.  There are times when they may "look" healthy to you or seem to be feeling okay, but sometimes they need to conserve energy or avoid a delayed onset flare due to the extra activity.

It is very helpful to have a Plan B or C or even D at times. Say your original plan was to have lunch and go see a movie, but your fibro fighter is in too much pain or too tired to leave their house - offer to pick up lunch  for them or make sandwiches at their house and rent a movie or watch TV together.  Your fibro fighter still wants your company, and the fact that you are willing to "bring the party to them," so to speak, means more than you know.  Obviously, this approach doesn't work in a gathering situation, but you could always offer to bring them a plate of leftovers later that night or the next day.  No one likes to feel left out.  


If your fibro fighter is not also your partner, it is so important for you to continue to invite them to as many activities as possible, even if there's a good chance they won't make it. More invitations means more opportunities that they may be able to attend.

Above all, don't give up on them, especially if they were always a good friend to you before their diagnosis. Fibro is such an isolating illness, and it is so important to make time for your fibro fighter and show them that they still matter to you.


Something I'd like to address in my next post is the guilt felt by both sides when plans don't go according to plan.  Stay tuned..